Why are we attracted to the people who are least good for us? Discover the reasons.

 Learn to identify the signs that someone is not right for you and how to build healthier relationships.

Has this ever happened to you? You meet someone, feel an intense connection, and although everything seems perfect at first, you soon realize that this person isn't right for you. Despite the warning signs, you feel hooked. Why are we attracted to the people who are least good for us? Psychologist Alejandra de Pedro, a couples therapist and author of the book Why Is It So Hard for Me to Forget You ?, explains that this phenomenon has deep roots in our minds, our biology, and our culture.

Reasons behind the dangerous attraction

1. Sociocultural reason : Many believe in the fantasy that they can change their partner. “It’s the idea that the bad boy will become good thanks to love,” explains de Pedro. This illusion makes us ignore warning signs and cling to the hope of a better future.
2. Biological reason : The brain's reward system plays a key role. "Someone who sometimes talks to you and other times ignores you is more engaging than someone who is constant," the psychologist points out. This intermittent reinforcement is similar to the mechanism of gambling: even if the odds of winning are low, the prize is so rewarding that we keep trying.
3. Psychological reason : Sometimes, we choose unsuitable people because we feel we don't deserve better or because we fear intimacy and commitment. "It's easier to bet on someone who will leave soon than on someone who will stay," de Pedro adds.

Signs that someone is not right for you

Identifying the signs of a toxic relationship is the first step to avoiding harmful connections. Here are some key points:

• He is an overly possessive or jealous person.
• He doesn't value you or treat you with respect.
• Despise your friends and family.
• He constantly corrects you or doesn't pay attention to you.
• He treats you well, but he's rude to others.
• They don't enjoy the plans they make together.
• They do not share essential values, such as fidelity or gender equality.

How to build healthier relationships

The first step is to recognize that adults don't change easily. If you notice negative traits at the beginning of a relationship, it's best to walk away. Furthermore, working on your self-esteem and fear of intimacy can help you choose healthier partners.

Love doesn't have to be complicated. By understanding the reasons behind dangerous attraction and learning to identify the warning signs, you can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.